Picture of the Day: 

Camo sheep. You can't see him!

Quote of the Day: 

"O, beware, my lord, of Jealousy! / It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock / The meat it feeds on."

-William Shakespeare, Othello

Hello, my dearest readers! I hope the weekend found you well, and you marked Easter with both joy and reverence. I must say that after the week I had, this weekend did not seem quite long enough for me to escape, but I truly only have a week and a half left. I think I can make it.

I have not had time to write anything other than papers. Really. All of my professors are going wild with the assignments they are handing out, and I must say that I am barely able to keep up with it all. It is like they forget I am enrolled in more classes than theirs. Sure, a take home exam, take home test and essay for a class is not too bad. When each of your classes are sending home the same amount of work, and you are taking four classes, it starts to get stressful. But I digress.

I really wish I could be writing. I tried to set aside some time to just work creatively, hoping to rejuvenate my mind enough to tackle the rest of the homework, but when I sat down, absolutely nothing happened. It seems, once more, a severe case of writer's block has sunk its claws into my imaginings and drained them away. I have been unable to think of a proper opening for my pirate novel, and even while I have some scenes in my mind, getting them out on paper is simply not happening for me right now. 

I think I shall force myself to try a scene later today and see what happens. I hate forcing my writing, but maybe this is just something that I have to work through. We shall see what happens!

Okay. If that was all that I was going to update with, this would be a relatively useless entry. "Hey guys. Me here. I have writers block, and have effectively wasted your time by not posting anything about anything I am working on. Ha!" So, in an effort to avoid wasting your time, I would like to say that if you are a single woman, I have something to share with you.

If you are not a single woman, feel free to leave right now. Maybe bookmark this if you ever happen to be single again. Or, take a chance and take a listen. Who knows? Maybe you will learn something from it anyway. 

Okay. 

So, let me start by reiterating something I have already shared before. I have never been on a date. Yes, I just turned twenty-two. No, I am not lying. Sometimes, I feel frustrated that it looks like my life is completely meant to be lived alone and without any companionship at all. Sometimes, I am lonely. Most of the time, I am just afraid that someone will never come along. My thinking is something along the lines of: "Well, obviously there is something wrong with me for nobody to look at me and think I am worth a chance." Or, sometimes I go as far as to think, "All of my friends are getting married or engaged or dating someone. Probably because they are prettier." (Actually, I wholeheartedly stand by that statement. They are not only beautiful on the inside, but on the out. Something, sadly, I shall never be able to fix completely.) 

Well, my friend shared this on her Facebook, and while I was not sure I would want to take a listen, I did anyway. Do me a favor, and listen to this, too: 

All right. Snapping aside, this is actually a very powerful poem.

How many of us single people, women especially, feel like it is just a curse? We are prancing off to go to our friends' weddings, mustering up congratulations when they receive the engagement rings, and smiling when they tell us they are going to have a baby. We sit and watch girls that must be inherently better than us get everything we desire, while we barely seem to be able to have a decent date (or in my case, to get a date at all).

I will admit I have flat out lied to some of the girls I know, faking "I am so happy for you!" talk so that I would not reveal how truly jealous I was. The worst part comes when they realize how jealous you are, and instead of doing something that actually would make you feel better, they start telling you things that really do not aide you at all. A list of the responses I have gotten from my friends include the following:

"Aw, Katie, don't feel bad. Someday God may send you someone."
"You'll find someone. You aren't that bad looking."
"Boyfriends and husbands aren't that great. Trust me. I miss my single days."
"I thought I was never going to find someone. But look. I did! It can happen to you, too."

Might I qualify these things with another statement: every single one of these has come from a sister in Christ. Now, let me explain, one by one, why these are all horribly offensive.

"Aw, Katie, don't feel bad. Someday God may send you someone."
Now. This one is pretty obvious. The last thing a single person really wants to think about is facing an entire lifetime alone, and losing all of their friends to marriage and families. And while they cannot outright assure me that I am going to get married, when you are truly hurting, it is probably not a good choice of words.

"You'll find someone. You aren't that bad looking."
Excuse me? Not that bad looking? Implying that I am a tad unfortunate, but not enough to deter a man completely. It will just take longer to find someone to put up with my ugliness. Thanks a lot. Yeah. I feel better now.

"Boyfriends and husbands aren't that great. Trust me. I miss my single days."
This is probably the most annoying out of the list. Yeah. You really miss your single days; that is exactly why you are getting married, talking about your wedding nonstop and not getting out of your relationship. This is probably the most hypocritical thing anyone has ever said to me, ever. And I hear it all the time.

"I thought I was never going to find someone. But look. I did! It can happen to you, too."
Well, I can understand that every girl must go through a period where she thinks she is entirely unlovable. The problem is, it is really hard for someone who always had a boyfriend and was simply worried about finding "the one" to really understand the plight of perpetual singleness. Plus, the entire sentence implied that miracles do still happen, and I could be one of them. Not to mention they were only a year older than me. Yeah; you waited a really long time.

The kicker? All four of these were said to me by the same sister in one sitting. I left this conversation certain of only one thing, and that was that I was completely hopeless. See, this particular sister must know what it takes to get a guy. She was always dating, and now is married. So, naturally, she must know that it is going to take a miracle for me to find someone. And, in all honesty, I do not believe miracles work like that.

I have spent hours upon hours crying over this fear of dying alone, and wasting my time here on this earth by never actually making any connections with another human being. Let's face it. I don't have friends I call to hang out with. I spend most of my time alone in my apartment or with my family. (So, realistically, I should not be so surprised I never get asked out. Nobody is ever going to know me well enough to ask, and truly, once they knew me, they would not want to.) The girls of my group get together semi-regularly, but I have politely declined attending so many times, that I no longer get an invitation anymore. I do not blame them. I know I am very little fun to be around.

Yet, for some weird reason people think that I, Kathryn Elizabeth, shall magically find someone and get married. "Don't underestimate God!" they tell me. God is not going to UPS the guy to my door. So, while I should not underestimate God, I certainly should not bank on my awesome people skills to help me find someone who thinks I am worth time to date and get to know. And on some level, everyone agrees with me on this, because whenever they seek to console me on my loneliness, they mention the idea that "God is powerful and can do anything. Anything at all. Like...create the world. Or find you a guy."

Now, not everyone is as hopeless as I am, and it is for that reason that I am posting this video and little blurb about singleness. I know it is hard being around a whole bunch of people that are living your desires out, especially when all they are doing is complaining about something you think is a blessing. (For instance, one of my sisters is going to have a baby. She should be happy and excited, not griping to me about how she hates getting fat and how she does not feel cute. Dude. I am fat. You're pregnant. There is a difference.)

There is a plan.

Yeah, I know it sounds horribly cliche, or even a rote Christian answer to any problem you have. But, it is true.

I have a hard time looking at things and seeing a plan. For instance, my situation with graduation and my singleness both make me feel completely worthless and cursed. However, I hold fast to the idea that everything happens for a reason. Well, if everything happens for a reason, nothing horrible happens without cause. The problem is that we cannot see the plan, and God is not going to swoop down and say, "Katie, relax. In three years, you are going to be in a bookstore and you are going to find the guy of your dreams. Not only will he be smart (he is in a bookstore, so you know he reads!) But he is going to be British, love me with all of his heart, and he will take good care of you. Aren't I awesome?" So, we just have to have faith. Probably the hardest thing about the Christian way of life.

Believing without seeing is something that I struggle with. I know others do too. Sometimes girls feel like they are ready for their man now, and should not have to wait. I raise this question: what if he is not ready for you? What if right now he is struggling with something that would make him sabotage your relationship, but in a few years he will have worked through it and be ready to meet you and treat you well?

Singleness is not a punishment (although it feels like it, I know!). It is just part of God's plan to help you grow.

Now, I cannot tackle all of this with enough extensiveness or wisdom to help you completely. But that poem is a good thing to listen to when you are feeling alone. You are not the only girl out there that is struggling with the fear of being alone. It helps to know that not everyone is passing you by. There are people out there that can relate to you.

I would like to recommend a book to check out if you feel you are flat out waiting for Mr. Right:

Lady in Waiting: Becoming God's Best While Waiting for Mr. Right

by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones

This book is amazing. I have read it close to three times (two and half, really) and each time I have gotten something new out of it. While it does not promise you a man, it does promise a point. Which is precisely what I want out of life. The only downside is that the book makes you feel better about waiting for a man to come, and then in the last chapter is like, "Oh yeah. By the way; God doesn't have to send you someone. You should be okay with that too." Though, to make the blow better, they provide a nifty little chart that shows why God fills every role a husband can. Only better. Good touch, I must say. 

As you can tell by this post, these problems will not magically go away just because you read a book about it. Nonetheless, you can get better with work. I highly recommend this book for the struggling woman. 

I will leave you with this thought, which helps me feel better when I think my life here on earth is resulting in nothing but hardship and disappointment: 

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

-John 16:33