Picture of the Day: 

A bird on the sand of Cocoa Beach! Ain't he cute?!

Quote of the Day: 

"If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done."

-Peter Ustinov

Hello, my dear readers! I do hope this blog entry finds you well. I regret to say that this entry is going to be something you are not used to, when it comes down to what you normally find here to read. Today is not going to be about my writing, the progress I am making, or something light hearted and cheery (like the days I review books). No, today is going to be different. Today, I would like to share with you my spiritual walk. Maybe someone out there is needing to read this as much as I am needing to write it.

I was supposed to graduate this semester.

Let me reiterate supposed to. I came to the University of South Florida (ironically not in the south of Florida at all!) four years ago, now. And this semester was supposed to be my last. In a few weeks, I was supposed to get my diploma. 

To make a tragically long story short, let it suffice to say that I made a mistake that involved mixing up two due dates, and this is costing me my diploma--three weeks before I was out forever. I have spent the last twelve hours in a perpetual state of tears, barely able to calm down enough to breathe. I can honestly say, I have never hated myself more than now, and I have never been so disappointed in myself. 

Everyone keeps assuring me that it will be fine, and that it is not going to make a difference when I graduate, but it sounds hypocritical. Everyone else would be just as distressed in their performance if it was them. They would be just as upset if it were not me that was getting her degree withheld but rather them. 

But today, I want to move on from the feeling of self-loathing and disappointment. I want to remind myself that things happen for a reason. So, today, I want to post some Bible verses that may help me think clearer. 

And, if you too are going through something difficult, maybe they will help you as well.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

-Matthew 6:33-34

Well, we are going to start with this one. Mostly because I need to remind myself at this point not to panic over my disrupted plans, or dwell on the fact that now I look like a failure to any future employer who is going to see my transcript. What I need to do is focus on God; and while I admit openly that is the last thing I want to do right now, it is going to be the only way I will grow from any of this. Trust me, the first thing I did was openly yell at God that I cannot believe he let this happen to me. 

I do not have much that is going for me. My schooling was the only thing that I was able to say proudly I was good at. That is precisely why I think God took away my graduation. I definitely love school more than I love him. Without a doubt, hands down. I cried for twelve hours over my lost degree, but barely give my soul (or others' for that matter) more than a passing glance. 

Seek God, and then forget tomorrow. 

The next one: 

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

-James 1:2-3

 This one is slightly obvious. While, in my opinion, I have cultivated plenty of perseverance (I only say this because I wish the trials would stop. I know I am not the only one that thinks that way, either.), I can look at this entire ordeal and know that God is not punishing me because he thinks it is fun. Rather, he is doing this because he loves me and wants me to be reformed into a lovely pearl. 

I should not hate this experience, because without it, I would be incomplete.

Next verse.

 Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them.

He said:

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, 

   for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 

Blessed are those who mourn, 

   for they will be comforted. 

Blessed are the meek, 

   for they will inherit the earth. 

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, 

   for they will be filled. 

Blessed are the merciful, 

   for they will be shown mercy. 

Blessed are the pure in heart, 

   for they will see God. 

Blessed are the peacemakers, 

   for they will be called children of God. 

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, 

   for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

-Matthew 5:1-12

The Beatitudes. Seems pretty straight forward, but I will comment on them anyway. This set of promises remind me of what I need to be. One of the promises is not: "Blessed are those who graduated in four years, for they will have proven themselves worthy." Or: "Blessed are those who are known as intelligent, for they will be praised."

I live like those are on the list. I ignore the traits that I am supposed to have and instead cultivate my own "promises" I feel like should be a part of this little group. Part of this is because I feel that being smart is the only thing I can do out of this entire list---and it is not on the list at all. 

Be humble, be merciful, and be wise in the way of the Lord; I cannot do it better than him.

I will leave you with one more.

"Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

-Deuteronomy 31:6

This verse a friend of mine posted on her Facebook this morning, and I felt it speak to me. I do not have to worry about what others think about me. God is going to be with me. While in this world it probably looks best to get out in four years from your university, I highly doubt that God is going to hold it against me at the end of days.

Even though I am frustrated and hurt, God is going to be there to guide me. He is going to love me anyway, and he is not going to forsake me.

In all honesty, I could probably go on forever through the Bible and pick out verses that would help me get through this. (There is a reason that the Bible is considered a love letter!) For the sake of a readable entry, though, I will stop here. 

In closing: if you are suffering, or going through a trial, take heart. You are not alone. You only have to remember that.